Artistry and Chemistry

Haven’t played in forever.

Even though I’m mainly a guitarist, I wish to become at least a somewhat decent musician with all instruments.

Hopefully my neighbors won’t hate me this summer when my friends and I jam in my garage haha.

I’ll be sure to post a pic after it is all set up.

:)

I was once told that if two people really love each other, sex just happens or should happen.

Honestly, I would have to disagree.

There have been countless nights where sex was the furthest thing from my mind.

The closest? Cuddling, enjoying each other’s presence, and relaxing.

Did sex follow later?

Yes. But that was just an added bonus to the great time before.

I could probably go a long time without sex. 

I’m very patient. 

Sometimes I actually can’t tell if it is a negative or positive trait.

But the point is, I don’t think that sex says anything about how much people love each other.

Sex can be meaningless very easily.

A one night stand.

Being promiscuous.

Etc.

I don’t want that.

Sure I could probably get with a bunch of girls if I really wanted to.

Do I?

No.

I want to be happy.

To have that tingling in my heart.

To have my stomach drop at first sight.

To feel that warmth and explainable sensation.

I want something fulfilling.

I don’t know why I’m rambling.

I’m back at ground zero.

Just looking for a nice girl who doesn’t care that I have a big nose or say the cheesiest crap.

Who doesn’t mind my heavy metal music and ridiculous personality.

Who wouldn’t mind laying out under the stars with me for a night. Silent.

Because in that silence, the greatest moments are experienced.

And those are the moments that are never forgotten.

Not so I can be rich.

Not so I can buy a million unnecessary things.

First so I can help my parents pay off my college.

Second so I can help my parent pay off whatever else they need to.

And mostly so that I can give my kids what my parents gave me.

They worked their asses off to give us everything.

They sacrificed a lot.

And even though I never had an iPhone or the newest video game system or a car when I got my license.

I still had a damn good childhood.

Thanks mama i tata. I love you guys for all you’ve done for myself and Jennifer.

Don’t worry. I’ll pay you back when I become a rich chemist haha.

:)

And we both agree on the same things.

We both feel the same way.

It’s over.

And I feel extremely happy to have made a friend.

“At least I’ll graduate without a grudge between us, as Pat mentioned during his senior speech.

We should have a beer together one of these days.”

This is why we both agree that brotherhood is great.

As an individual we are weak. As a chapter we are strong. As a fraternity we are powerful.

Brotherhood is forever. Friendships, sometimes not.

Except the person who I wish to say it to most likely never wants to speak to me again.

Not even bad things. Just thoughts.

I would have posted it in a giant post, but that would be too informal.

So I guess I’ll keep it to myself and never bring it out.

Unless the opportunity arises for another talk.

Which I’m not keeping my hopes up for.

On a side note, I have just realized that I am more assertive.

At least a bit. 

Slowly making progress.

I’m becoming better at everything.

Ps. Nie ma za co Buddah. Ale wiem ze ty naprawde nie dziekujesz mi.

When I’m older…

…I’m going to be able to look back and say that I have had a good life.

And that is an amazing feeling to have.

I should have listened to my friends months ago.

The people who saw it all along.

Took many steps backwards.

But that’s all done.

So time to move ahead.

Gonna smoke my self retarded with my big brother and bond.

And yes.

Fraternity brotherhood has more meaning and power than you can possibly imagine.

Don’t you ever tell me it is fake.

I hate you. 

Goodbye. We will probably never talk again, and that is fine with me.

Especially after everything you have put me through.

To be able to get lost in the bass…

…lost in the beautiful synchronization of drums and guitar.

The harmony.

The passion.

It’s wonderful.

Looking back at my posts about my relationship problems and whatnot.

I never considered myself a good writer at all.

At least I’m good at something in this world.

Now that something has to turn into someone.

Who and where are you?

I’m awaiting your arrival.

I’m pretty patient.

…that I am going to be more proactive from now on.

Go and talk to girls.

Hold conversations with them and have a good time.

Not be so shy.

I need to break out of this shell that I despise so much.

The time is now.