Artistry and Chemistry

Dale Arbus: [voice over] When I was a kid, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. And I always gave the same answer. 
[he kisses Stacy and they say I love you to each other]

Dale Arbus: [voice over] I wanted to be a husband. I know that sounds weird. Most boys wanna be fire house chiefs or personal trainers, but to me being a husband was like the highest calling. And thanks to Stacy, that dream’s about to come true.

I truly believe everything that they say.

I hope you do too Buddha.

Especially the “Be with someone”

I miss you.

I hope this works out for the best.

…someone I can give a hug at any time.

Someone I can make cookies with, a slap their butt as I’m walking across the kitchen.

Someone I can fall asleep to a movie with.

Someone who isn’t afraid to say everything and anything.

Someone, like me, who would take a night of cuddling over a night of sex any day.

Someone who enjoys being outside doing random things all the time instead of being inside all day.

Someone who loves and isn’t scared to love.

Someone who shares everything, even the bad.

• Because if we can get through the bad times, then the good times will be that much better.

Someone who notices how shy I really am.

Someone who, knowing how shy I am, doesn’t mind that I still can’t come up with extremely romantic or amazing gifts.

Someone who, as useless and bad as they are, still loves my gifts.

Someone who realizes, that while I’m not a man of action most of the time, the amount of time I put into what I make is phenomenal.

Someone who doesn’t leave when the next best thing comes around.

Someone who, for some reason, likes my big nose and ridiculous blue eyes.

Someone who can make me feel happy.

Someone who can make me feel warm inside my heart.

Someone…

To be able to get lost in the bass…

…lost in the beautiful synchronization of drums and guitar.

The harmony.

The passion.

It’s wonderful.

…when taken away, is worse than a broken heart.

Even when I couldn’t kiss you, as much as I wanted to.

And you cannot begin to fathom how much I wanted to.

You did.

It gave me hope. It made me think there was still a chance.

I felt the happiest I’ve been in the last 8 months in those two hours.

The happiest I’ve felt since you left.

After that hope disappeared, I realized I was a fool for trying.

Knowing full well that it wouldn’t work, no matter what I did.

But I had to try. Because when you truly care, you would do anything.

I will still dread looking out the window for the next month.

A few days of being ok, subsequent days of not.

While I didn’t say it yesterday because I didn’t want you to burst into tears…

…I love you. And I’m sorry for complicating things.

Hopefully this will be my last post about this.

I gotta move on sometime. 

I broke out of one shell last night.

But not the one I wanted to.

I still have a lot of work to do to improve myself.

It’s not going to be a fun last month of school.

Thank god I have friends I can call my brothers to help me.

I don’t know what I would do without them sometimes.

I don’t know when I’ll see you next.

But I wish you luck with him, with school, and with life.

Your mom said that everything happens for a reason this morning.

She said that we met and had what we had for a reason.

That reason is unbeknownst to me at the moment.

I can only hope there is a reason…

…life can flash before my eyes in a second.

A second of peaceful memories, happiness, and warmth.

“I’m never going down, I’m never giving up…”

…where I just sit on the porch, smoke my pipe, and contemplate…

Whether or not I should buy a train ticket and spontaneously show up at your doorstep.

Kiss you before anyone says a word and not worry about the consequences.

Sitting on this porch, singing along to all these old songs of the past.

Hoping to God that you will just drive up when “Colder Weather” is playing and have a 10 minute hug.

If there was a prefect time to listen to my prayers for help, it would be right now God.

I need some help. 

Then hang out with a high school buddy and smoke a few bowls. 

Gotta love beautiful days like today where I don’t have a care in the world.

:)