Artistry and Chemistry

She ran away with him.

Another one I liked ran away with someone else.

And what did this make me realize?

Well firstly that I am a mess.

I honestly need to get my shit together.

Secondly, I am alone.

I have no main group I hang out with.

No tight knit group of friends.

I’m like you. A nomad. Travelling from group to group, hoping to find a home.

All the seniors are graduating.

Those are two huge groups I have been hanging out with for the last 2 years.

Gone.

Who am I going to hang out with?

Who is going to push me and help me talk to new people?

Who will make me happy again and bring me out of this hole?

I need a shoulder to lean and cry on.

To let go what I have been trying to deal with and suppress for the last two weeks.

I need to find another shoulder.

I need a friend.

It’s Mom’s Weekend at school.

My parents never come because of their work schedules / my mom is super polish haha.

But it made me realize how lonely I have been feeling recently.

Downstairs are people with their parents talking and hanging out.

I’m just alone in my room bored.

This girl who I kinda had a little thing with, which ended in us just being friends, is now hanging out with one of my best friends.

The other girl is seeing a guy from my fraternity house.

Wtf.

I wish you would have never kissed me.

I haven’t felt that happy in 9 months.

9 months.

Now all those feelings are back. 

In an instant. Just like that.

Did it help that you said you haven’t felt this amazing and happy in a while as well?

No.

No it didnt.

It’s funny that you aren’t telling him.

Reminds me of my talk with Jesse.

Communication…thats all I’m gonna say.

Because sometimes it can come back and bite you in the ass.

Is it hard for me to accept all this?

Yes.

Because I am still in love with you. Ever since I fell for you.

You gave me hope. And then ripped it away in a heartbeat.

I’m glad I kept my composure that night. Because I could have just so easily have exploded with emotions like I have before.

Is sometimes more than I can bear.

Arguably one of the worst feelings ever.

I realized that this single feeling is what caused me to feel any other negative emotions for the last 4 months.

It’s the feeling you get going to sleep alone.

Waking up without her there in your arms.

Going out with your friends and missing her company.

Being bored at home and missing having your best friend to talk to.

It’s a terrible feeling. And I want it to go away. Right now.

Life is tough.

It’s a series of ups and downs. Hills you have to go over. Valleys you sink into. 

It is a learning experience. An intense adventure.

An emotional and physical roller coaster. 

But it is beautiful.

Every moment of experiencing. Enjoying. Living.

Obviously I just went through a big event in my life. It was not fun. But I’ve learned from it. I’ve learned a lot.

Wow. Still in shock.

So the Pi Phi’s didnt show up to the Wine and Cheese event we were supposed to have with them. Sucks.

Everyone is going crazy and getting retarded off all the wine we have. $400 of it to be exact.

Gonna chill with my friend from middle school now. Peace.

I can’t believe that I actually have 6 followers. Lol. Might not seem like much but it seems like more and more people are reblogging what I post and start following me. I actually feel like a part of something here. A place where people can post pictures or write about what they are feeling at the time, and others can relate. It really does bring people together.

Even though this blog started out as a place I can post my random chemistry nerdy things and whatever came to mind, it’s turning more into a relationship blog. I’ve actually found quite a lot of people who are or were in the same shoes I am in now in terms of relationships. While most of the blogs I see come across a bit too harsh for my taste, many of the pics I’ve posted are pretty inspirational or uplifting. I can’t seem to find the right word for it, she used to find that perfect word. 

But anyways. Thank you guys for following, reblogging, and liking the stuff I post. It means a hell of a lot more than any “like” or comment I get on facebook. And thank you for helping me through some tough times without even knowing it.

One final thank you to my best friend for showing me Tumblr. If you actually read any of the stuff I post anymore, I want to thank you for being my best friend. Even though we have been through a roller coaster of events and emotions, we can make it. Like you’ve said before, together we can accomplish anything.